~SkYeFiCtioN.

The Odd Couple: Part Six

2004-10-11T01:03:00.000+08:00

The Sacrificial Lamb
Raymond
"This is getting to be such a nightmare. I don't want Teri to go…"

I never thought Teri and I would have another big problem after Papa disowned me a few weeks ago. If I had known this would be happening, I wouldn't have accepted the job offered to me by the university. ---Raymond

A week after I was officially welcomed to the university (3rd term of the year), I learned that I would be holding Teri's class for Literature Elective. There was nothing really alarming about that. Teri even squealed in delight when he learned about it. Finally, she said, she could hear me lecture on what I know about literature. I was okay with the idea, too, but then, Gary came up to me one day and told me something quite problematic.

"Teri has to leave your condo."

I looked back at Gary, "What?"

"New professors in the university are always in close watch by the administrators. Of course you know its not allowed for professors and students to have intimate relationships…"

"What are you saying? Teri and I are not committed!"

Gary let out a small laugh, "I know, you fool."

"Then what are you trying to say?" I asked.

"Sooner or later they will find out that you and Teri live together in the same condominium. You can't let them discover that or else they'll kick you out," Gary explained.

I felt my eyebrows meet. I can't make Teri leave just like that! First of all, that girl she calls a bimbo is still in her house with her brother, and second of all, I won't let her. I can't. Not now while I'm having a mid-life crisis.

"I know things have been hard for you, Raymond. But I guess you can manage one term without living together, right?" Gary asked while fixing his things. I just watched him.

"Raymond, don't you have class?" he asked as the bell rang.

"Oh, yeah…I almost forgot," I said, and picked up a few books to bring to class. Teri's class.

After class, Teri approached me and helped me fix my things. She sat in front of the teacher's table and sorted out the papers they handed in (papers that had their personal identifications).

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"No. Nothing…nothing really."

"Here are your papers, sir. Bye, see you later," she said with a smile, handed me the papers and left the classroom. I didn't even get to tell her what Gary told me. Geez, how can I be such a coward?

When I left the room I saw Teri across the hall, talking to a cute guy. She saw me and waved. I just nodded, thinking that someone from the administration or the department may be around and watching me. I just walked away and felt a little guilty when I saw Teri's betrayed expression. She must've thought I didn't notice her. Damn.

"First day was great, Sir Raymond!" I heard Teri call out from the door. I was in the kitchen, just finished cooking our dinner. "I never knew you had such confidence in front of a big crowd! The last time you talked like that about literature we were on our way to Bicol, and I was half-asleep!"

I smiled at her, "Sit down. Let's have dinner."

"Oh goody! I bought some lemon squares from Becky's…you'll love them."

"You're spoiling me, Teri."

"I always have…" she said and sat down in front of me. "I'm so glad you're my teacher. I just know I'm going to enjoy my literature elective!!!"

I smiled and handed Teri the rice plate. She got it from me, "Are you tired?"

I shook my head.

"C'mon, Raym…"

"Well, yeah. Sort of. But I'm okay, really. I just have things to do."

She nodded, "You going to use the PC?"

"Yes."

"Draw lots?"

"Sure."

Teri chewed her food slowly, watching me. I got a little conscious so, "Why are you looking at me funny?"

"Nothing. It's just that I'm not really convinced that there's nothing bothering you," she replied and drank some water. She put the glass down, "Are you sure there's nothing going on?"

"Yes, I'm sure Teri. Stop worrying!"

This is getting to be such a nightmare. I don't want Teri to go, especially because I just realized she'd be coming home to her assholic brother Christian who slapped her squarely in the face the last time they met. I don't want my bestfriend to be a victim of domestic violence! But what Gary told me made me nervous. What if someone really found out that Teri and I were living together? Will the university kick me out? Will I get another job that easily? If that's so, then I'd be willing to give up this job if only to keep Teri with me. Unfortunately though, its hard to look for a job nowadays, so I'm wondering if I should take the risk.

I walked up to the bedroom and saw Teri still working on the computer. She looked at me, "I thought you were asleep. Gary just called up and I told him you were sleeping. I'm sorry."

"Its okay. I was. What did he tell you?"

"Nothing really. He just wanted to talk to you. When I told him you were sleeping, he said goodbye…"

"Oh, okay. Aren't you finished yet?" I asked.

"Nearly. One more paragraph, okay? I'm really sorry."

I shook my head, "It's okay, I'm not rushing stuff. You need it more than I do."

Teri continued typing as I sat on her bed. I watched her as she browsed through her notes, typed, erased, and sulked upon not getting the words she had wanted to type. I got sleepy, so I lay my head on her pillow, thinking that I'll just transfer to the living room once Teri finishes. And then, I fell asleep.

"Raymond, Raym, wake up!"

I felt a hand grab my shoulder, shaking me. I woke up, "Yeah, yeah…I'll leave."

"Leave? Not after you eat breakfast, take a bath and dress up!"

"What?" I asked and squinted when sunlight hit my eyes.

"Its morning, dear goddess…come on, you're going to be late," Teri said and pulled me out of bed. I followed her to the kitchen.

"Where did you sleep?"

"Sofa."

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I never realized I'd sleep all night in the bedroom," I explained, "You should've woken me up."
"It's okay, Raym. Coffee?" she asked.

"Yes, please."

Teri gaily brought out two cups and fixed our favorite morning drink. I walked to the living room and turned on the radio before I went back to the kitchen. When I sat down, my cup of coffee was already on the table.

"You better hurry, Sir Leviste, or else you'll be late!" she warned me, spreading peanut butter on her pan de sal. She gave me a slice of the pan de sal and smiled upon hearing "Leaving on a Jetplane" (Chantal Kreviazuk version) play on the radio.

"Why? Don't you have class?" I asked.

"Not until 1 pm."

I just nodded. She took a sip out of her coffee and swayed her head to the music she was hearing. "Teri, I have something to tell you…"

"What is it?"

"Gary told me about this yesterday, and I want your opinion about---"

Our kettle whistled, "Jesus, Raymond…you're going to be late! Tell me later, okay? Now get that kettle and take a bath!" she said in a panic. Geez, she's more stressed than I am at the moment about my punctuality.

I dressed up as quickly as I could after I took a bath. Teri was feeding my fishes when I finished, and she pointed to the sofa where my knapsack was.

"Bye, Sir Leviste!!! See yah later!" she said and waved at me.

"Bye," I said, shook my head and went out of the unit.

Good thing Teri hurried me up that morning or else I would've been blacklisted by our coordinator. Turned out that our coordinator, Mr. Lee, was in my class to watch me teach. If I had been late…well, you know what I'm talking about. Gary told me Mr. Lee was strict about punctuality. I am too, but he's an exception.

I couldn't wait to go home that night and tell Teri what I had to say. I knew I had to say it. There is no point in keeping it from her, since she's my bestfriend after all and my newfound job is at stake.

Unfortunately though, when I entered the unit, I saw Teri waiting for me at the living room. She looked at me solemnly and then I noticed some bags packed, sitting on the one-seater sofa.

"I'll be back for the other stuff I left. I figured I had to travel light tonight," she said.

"What's going on?"

"Gary told me. You don't have to explain," she said and stood up to kiss me on the cheek. "Have you eaten dinner already?"

"No," I said and shook my head, "No. You will not leave."

"Raymond, you are at the risk of losing your job! We can still see each other at school! Its not like I'm leaving you forever!"

God, this sucks. I couldn't say another word. I slumped down on the sofa and watched Teri pick up her bags.

"I've fixed dinner for you at the table. I gotta go."

"Teri…"

She turned around.

"You'll call me everyday, right?" I asked.

"I will," Teri said and walked out of the unit. I ran after her.

"Teri! Teri wait!" I shouted as I caught up with her in front of the elevator. "Let me bring you home."

She smiled, "Never mind. You'll tire yourself. We have early classes tomorrow, remember?" she said and looked up at the elevator shaft monitor.

"What if Christian's still there? And the bimbo?"

"So what? I can manage."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Raym. Thanks."

The elevator door opened and Teri went inside, "Bye, Raym…I'll call you." She said, making a telephone call sign with her hand. I waved goodbye and the door closed.

Two weeks after, Teri and I barely talked in school. Whenever I dismissed her class, she would always scamper out first while I was erasing the board. She recited well in my class, but she never walked up to me and talked to me or helped me fix my things. It made me feel uneasy. She wasn't even texting me anymore…so the next time we had class, I called her attention after I dismissed them.

"Miss Santos, I want to speak to you after class. You're free to go, see you Friday."

Teri stayed after class and sat on the desk in front of the teacher's table. She was texting while I spoke to her.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I was supposed to ask you that. We haven't spoken in two weeks."

"Nothing really. I'm just busy," she said and stood up, "Sir, I gotta go. I still have class. Bye." And then, she left.

I was so lonely that night. I felt like crap. Gary and I had eaten dinner outside because there was no food in the refrigerator. The only thing that made me smile that night was when Teri texted me a quote and some cute teddy bear graphics after dinner. I tried calling her home but the phoneline was so busy I figured she must be talking to her friends. I just texted her back, but she didn't reply afterwards.

I went back to the condo at ten in the evening, after Gary and I separated in Taft Avenue (he lived near Roxas Boulevard), and I found my voicemail active. I pushed the play button and I heard Teri's voice.

"Raym, where the hell are you? I've been calling you for the past two hours!!! Please call me up, please!"

I picked up the phone and dialed her number. She answered it.

"What’s the emergency?" I asked.

"Raym, I can't sleep! Cris and the bimbo are fighting upstairs!" Teri groaned.

"I'll fetch you…"

"No. I can't live in that unit again this term."

"But if only for tonight," I reasoned out.

"Raym, this is driving me crazy!" Teri shrieked and made me wince.

"What then do you want me to do?" I asked.

"I just want to sleep…" she said, so I did what I always did when she could not sleep. Tell stories, tell corny jokes, sing (although the last one wasn't done too often), until Teri gets sleepy and falls asleep. Unfortunately, the World War in the second floor of Teri's house had not yet reached peace talks, so Teri was still awake. I could actually hear all the shouting and bickering of her brother and her brother's girlfriend in their house, I pitied Teri for having such a hard time.
So there it went, 3 hours on the phone until I heard the phone bang to a hard surface. Teri must've dropped it, and I waited for her to pick it up. She didn't. The sleep fairy had done it once more, only this time, it took me longer and I had to sing. So I put the receiver back to its place and I went to bed.

That was the last time Teri and I spoke to each other in another two weeks. I noticed she had been absent in my class for days, and I kept on texting her to no avail. She wasn't replying. I was already irritated, especially when I woke up one day and found my pet fishes dead. Well of course it wasn't her fault, but…she was the only one who had the initiative to clean the aquarium every once in a while when she was still living with me.

I learned from Teri's classmate, Louise, that Teri had been sick for the past week. Asthma, Louise said. Heck. I didn't even think of that possibility. Without asking for anymore explanation, Louise volunteered some more information. Teri was in the hospital for four days now, and that she was hoping Teri would get well the next week just in time for our poetry recital.

I hurried up to the hospital where Teri was confined (I almost hit another car trying to get there). When I reached her room, I saw her mother and Christian inside.

"Raymond, hijo…I've been waiting for you," Mrs. Santos said.

"I just learned about Teri's hospitalization, Ma'm. If I had known earlier, I would've been here first. How is she?" I asked, placing the basket of fruits and flowers I brought on the bedside table.

"She's doing okay. The doctor said it was an acute asthma attack," Christian answered.

I almost glared at him, but I remembered not to make a public scandal.

"Sit down, hijo. I'll be leaving in a few minutes to get some clothes. Are you staying for long?"

"Not really, Ma'm, but if you wish to, I will."

"Please do, Raymond. Teri's been looking for you all this time. She said she was so busy she didn't have the time to even call you on the phone. I was even wondering if the two of you had a fight when she went home a few weeks ago. But of course she said no."

I nodded upon hearing Mrs. Santos' story. Poor Teri. Must've been the major subjects keeping her busy and distant from me. Mrs. Santos left with Christian moments later, thank God, and left me with the still asleep Teri. She woke up a few hours after.

"Raymond…you're here?" she asked, squinting.

"No. I'm actually just an apparition. The real Raymond is in Makati, basking in the radiance of men," I answered, smiling. She smiled too. I was relieved to see her again.

"Oh Raym, I missed you so much! I'm really sorry I wasn't able to reply to your messages…"

"Shh, you don’t need to explain okay? You need to rest. Raymond's orders."

"I have to get well for next week's recital," she said, remembering.

"Teri…stop thinking about school! That's what makes you sick…" I said. I looked at the bedside table, "Look, I brought you flowers, and fruit! You like pears, don't you?"

Teri sat up on her bed, "I really missed you."

"I did too. You know who else missed you? My fishes. They just died."

Teri's eyes widened, "Which ones?"

"All of them," I answered.

"Awww, I loved those fishes!" Teri whined, "Don't worry, we'll buy new ones when the term's over."

When Mrs. Santos came back, it was already 7 in the evening, and I was ready to leave. I had classes the next day after all, and I had papers to check.

"Leaving so soon, Raymond?" she asked.

"Yes, Ma'm. I have tons of work to do for school tomorrow."

"Oh that's too bad."

"Let him go, Mama. Raym's tired," Teri said and winked at me. "Please tell Gary I said hi."

"I will."

On my way to the door, I bumped into Christian and said sorry.

"How are you?" he asked, almost whispering.

"I'm fine, thanks," I answered.

"I missed you," he said. I felt goosebumps all over my body, and I knew Teri was watching us.

"Really…I have to go." I said and then walked away. I felt Christian follow me. I sped up walking until I reached the elevator. It was still a long way before it would open up on our floor.

"Raymond, Bianca and I are through. Just last week."

"Good for you."

Christian put his hand on my shoulder, "I was thinking if we could be together again."

Bells were ringing in my ears. I am not a hypocrite to say I didn't like the sound of that proposition, but I remembered Teri. Her bestfriend, screwing up with her prodigal brother. That sounded sick, didn't it?

"Don't mind Teri, we'll keep it from her," he said. God, do they really have ESP, or am I really that transparent?
"I can't, Christian. I just can't," I said.

"Why? What's the matter? Are you still hurt?"

Yes. I wanted to say yes. Honestly, I wanted to scream "yes" in his ear, but I didn't. There were people behind us waiting for the elevator too, and shouting inside a hospital is impolite.

"Come on, Raymond. I still have feelings for you."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "No. I'm in love with someone else," I said and the elevator shaft opened. I entered along with three other people.

"But who?" he asked before the elevator shaft closed.

I didn't answer. I was crushed. There was nothing in the whole world I wanted in that moment but to hold him again inmy arms. But the thought of him leaving again was so painful to think of. I couldn't take the risk anymore. Not with him.

I'm in love with someone else. Yeah, right. If Ewan McGregor was someone else, that statement holds true.
He still has feelings for me. Was that true? Or was that just a way of wooing me again? I can't differentiate. Not while I'm reminiscing our past. Ooops, I almost didn't get out on the ground floor thinking of him. Crap. All he had said was crap. I'm positive. Or am I?

I went home thinking of Christian, and I felt guilty all of a sudden when I passed by the drugstore and remembered Teri. Its Teri I must be thinking of, not Christian! But Christian's face kept on flashing in my head…until I went to sleep that night. This is not good. Not good at all.
---Raymond

The Odd Couple: Part Five

2004-10-08T01:05:00.000+08:00

The Queen is Now a Goddess
Teri
"This must be one of the most unimaginable things that could happen in my life next to marrying Ewan McGregor."

Raymond and I moved in to Torre Lorenzo, a posh condominium near OUR university, two weeks after I came back to his old condo unit. Not unlike the old unit, it only had one bedroom (well, we could only afford a unit with one bedroom), a very nice and clean bathroom, a lovely kitchen and a spacious living room complete with a beautiful view of the lights at Manila Bay. It was perfect.

As was the custom, I get to sleep inside the bedroom during MWF, Raymond sleeps there during TTHS. Sundays, we get to share the bed. It is my task to buy groceries during the second week of the month, and also my task to cook dinner for both of us during weekends. Raymond, meanwhile, gets the task to shop for groceries during the fourth week of the months and cook dinner on weekdays. Of course, we had to wait until Raymond's teaching schedule in the university comes out, so that we could make the necessary changes in our task distribution. So far, Raymond has only received his subject and section, plus he's working on his syllabus with Gary so that he would have something to present to his subject coordinator.

"Aren't you going to sleep yet?" I asked Raymond when I went inside his room Tuesday night and found him working on his computer.

"Later, sweetie. I'm still working on my syllabus. Gary thought the first one wouldn't work."

"Why? What was wrong with the first one?"

"Too gay."

"Too gay? What the hell kind of reason is that? You're teaching literature! You NEED to be gay!" I said.

"You bitch!" Raymond playfully said and threw a pillow at me.

"Thank you!" I said, "I think I have the right to hold that title."

"Gary said the first one wouldn't work because my coordinator wouldn't like it. He's not into gay men."

"What? Isn't he gay too? How'd he get into Literature?"

Raymond laughed, "You are so stereotypical!"

I went inside the room and looked at the computer screen. "Hmmm…you do have good selections for your poetry. What kind of literature is this?"

"Gay and Lesbian. Its an elective."

"Oh," I said and read some more of the things he typed on screen. "Sappho is good…Dickinson, Remoto, Auden, hey, you left one important person out!"

"Who?"

"Our favorite!"

"Gosh, how can I forget?"

We both screamed, "J. Neil Garcia!!!" and then Raymond typed J. Neil Garcia's name on the screen. "So you think this will work the second time?" Raymond asked after saving his changes.

I looked at him, "It will if you'll get on that bed, pray, make a wish and sleep. Its past midnight. I can't sleep if you aren't. I'm bothered by the light seeping from under your door."

"Okay, mom! I'm sleeping…" he said and started shutting the computer down. I turned around and picked up the pillow he threw at me.

"Night!" I said and went out of the room.

The next day, after school and after doing my duty of buying the first batch of groceries for the month, I entered the condo unit using my keys and found Ate Weng (Rowena), Raymond's elder sister. She was wearing an elegant olive green executive suit and light make-up. She smiled at me when she saw me walk in.

"Hi, Teri! How nice to see you after a long time!" she greeted me. She stood up when I approached her and we shared a short beso-beso.

"Have you eaten dinner yet? I've just bought groceries…I can cook for the three of us," I said, "Where is Raymond anyway?" I asked.

"I'm afraid there is a slight problem regarding Raymond," Ate Weng said.

My mind raced, thinking, is this because of my living with him? As though she read my mind, she immediately said, "Of course its not about your living here. That's alright…"

"Then what is it?" I asked.

"Papa just came home from abroad. As you know, until now he doesn't know that Raymond is gay. He called me up yesterday and told me he had plans to visit Raymond's unit while he's here in Manila," Ate Weng narrated, "Pretty tough, huh?"

"What do you suppose we do?"

"I don't know. Raymond said he'd take care of it and come out to Papa when he comes here."

My eyes widened in surprise. Raymond coming out to his father? This must be one of the most unimaginable things that could happen in my life next to marrying Ewan McGregor.

"But…"

"I know, Teri. Raymond knows that Papa will never accept that fact too. But Papa has to know sooner or later, right? Let's just wait for Raymond to decide what he wants to do."

I walked to the kitchen, digesting every word that Ate Weng said. I started preparing coffee while Ate Weng watched me from the living room. Minutes later, Raymond came.

"Ate…" I heard him say and kissed his sister on the cheek. "Oh, Teri…you're early!" he said upon seeing me.
I turned around and caught his welcome kiss. "What's this I heard you're coming out to your father? Is this for real now?"

"Yeah. I mean, Papa has to know his only son is now a goddess. And a very beautiful one at that," Raymond replied with a smile. Ate Rowena and I laughed.

"Its not that easy, Raymond," his sister warned.

"I know Ate. But then again, nothing in life is easy…"

Ugly thoughts came to my mind when I went to bed that night. When Raymond and I started spending time at the breakwater, he talked several times about his father being very aloof to gays. His uncle (his father's brother), was gay, and his father didn't speak to his uncle anymore when he came out to their family. After the revelation, Raymond's father talked to him and told him that gays are scum of the society and that to be gay is a sin. Gays, according to his Papa, will all die like the people in Sodom and Gomorrah, the gay-laden, forbidden and cursed land. After his Papa had a heart to heart talk with him, Raymond swore he will never tell his Papa about his sexuality (although he was just seventeen then, and that was 12 years ago).

What makes Raymond think he can get away with this? Once a gay-hater, always a gay-hater, I always say. Raym will get a real beating (even if he's nearly 30), I just know it. I just pray everything will turn out fine afterwards.

There was much bustle outside the bedroom when I woke up the next day, though I wasn't quite sure what was happening. I could hear Raymond's voice and another's but it wasn't Ate Rowena's, it was a guy's. It wasn't Gary either. It was too early for him to come over. Oh no…it can't be Mr. Leviste…I thought.

Why do I have to be such a psychic? As soon as I got out of the room in my pajamas and unruly hair, I laid my eyes on Raymond (also wearing his pajamas), and an old man, maybe in his sixties, but still strong and well-built. I remember Raymond said his father was once an amateur boxer and wanted him to be a boxer also, but when Raymond acquired a lung disease (much more serious than my asthma), his father reconsidered.

"So here's the lady I have been hearing about so often!" Mr. Leviste said. I saw Raymond nodding at me, motioning for me to approach his father and make mano. I did so.

"Good morning sir," I said and smiled.

"You can call me Papa."

Raymond and I simultaneously exclaimed, "Papa?!"

"Well, Raymond anak, you don't have to be ashamed! Your girlfriend is such a nice and lovely lady…even without make-up!"

"You must be making a big mistake, Mr. Leviste," I said.

"Papa…its not what you think."

The old man seemed to be confused and watched both of us mumbling words one after the other. Mr. Leviste looked like someone who was watching a tennis match.

"Wait! You mean, she's not your girlfriend?" Mr. Leviste asked.

"No, Papa…she's"

"I understand! You and my son are engaged aren't you? She's your fiance! Well, Raymond…this is okay! A lot of young people nowadays are into this thing they call "living-in", anyway. Why, I can see you're both in love! There's nothing wrong with that!"

I sighed. This was getting so out of hand. I pulled Raymond over to the kitchen, "What the hell is going on, Raym?"
"I don't know! I haven't even breathed a word about us…"

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

Raymond peeped through a small opening that led to the living room, and saw his father happily sipping his cup of coffee. He then looked at me and said in panic, "I don’t know! He might even stay and watch us wed or something!"

"What? That can't be!" I said, "Even if I liked that," I said as an afterthought.

Raymond nudged me, "Come on, Teri, this is not the time to joke around!"

"What are you going to say? Papa, I'm gay and this is my friend Lez? How do you think he'll take that?" I said, "If I had known your father would be coming over today, I would've waken up early and went to school at 8!"

"If I had known Papa would be coming over, I would've asked Gary to stay over for the night last night!"

"Raymond, son…I'll be going. I see you and your fiance are busy with your everyday routine. Just don't forget to call me for the wedding, alright?" Mr. Leviste said and walked to the door.

"I'll walk with you to the parking area."

"Never mind. You should never leave a woman alone in the house, especially if she is your future wife…" he said and winked at me. I smiled in dismay and turned around to the kitchen to get some aspirin. As soon as Raymond closed the door, he found me sitting in front of the table, sulking.

"I don’t feel like going to school today."

I almost screamed at Raymond when he told me that we continue pretending to be lovers until his father goes back to Canada.

"Are you out of your mind?" I asked.

"Teri, I'm scared. I can't come out to Papa now…now that he thinks I'm a straight man…"

"But Raym, you told me you've made up your mind! You can't back out now? When will you come out to your father? When he's dead?" I screamed.

"God, Teri…don’t shout at me! I'm really, really seriously scared!" Raymond said and sat down on the sofa.

I took a deep breath and sat down beside him. "Raym, this is the best time to tell your father about who you really are. There is no other time…"

"Teri, Papa disowned Tito Alex 12 years ago, and he hasn't spoken to him ever since! Not a single word! You think I can stand 12 years without talking to my father? I love Papa, Teri…I love Papa very much and I don’t want to hurt him by saying…I'm gay."

"You will hurt him more if he learned from another soul."

Raymond leaned back on the sofa and covered his face with the big throw pillow. I just looked at him and waited for him to say something. After a long silence, I left him on the sofa and went to the bedroom.

"Teri…"

I spun around, "What?"

"Okay. When Papa comes back, I will confess. I will come out."

I smiled, though I was quite nervous at his decision. I just hoped everything would turn out fine.

I came to the condo unit at 7 pm Sunday night after the last mass (Raymond and I were supposed to go together, but he opted to stay home and wait for Mr. Leviste) and I was in the process of fitting my key into the keyhole when I heard glass break inside the unit, followed by shouting. Oh no, I thought, Raymond came out to his father!

"Raymond!" I shouted, opening the door. "Raym!"

The door opened, and there, in front of the bedroom door Raymond lay, his left hand over his face, preventing Mr. Leviste to hit him where it will really hurt him. Mr. Leviste stood in front of him, and the big flower vase Raymond and I bought at Rustan's the other week was shattered to pieces on the floor.

"Mr. Leviste! No, please!" I said and ran to Raymond' s side.

"You worthless son of a bitch! I didn't raise you to be a freak!" Mr Leviste yelled and kicked Raymond's leg.

"NO!" I shrieked, and almost knelt down in front of Raymond's father to stop him from hurting my bestfriend.

"Papa, I'm sorry!"

"Shut up! I don’t want to hear from you!"

Raymond tried to stand up with my help, and he leaned on the bedroom door. "Papa, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be like this…this is me, Papa. I can't change it!"

From what I had fathomed in Mr. Leviste's eyes, he'd wanted to strangle Raymond, reaching his shirt to get a hold of him, but I shielded him from the attack. I got scratched, and Raymond's shirt almost got pulled off his body, but Mr. Leviste wasn't able to do what he wanted to do. I screamed.

"Please, sir! This is not the way to treat your son!"

"My son? I don't have a son! From this day forward my son is dead!" Mr. Leviste said, the veins in his neck bulging, almost exploding from anger. He balled up his fist and hit Raymond's shoulder before he walked out of the unit.
Raymond fell to the floor in dismay. He had a scratch on his face, and it was bleeding. The blood though, was flooded away by the tears he was shedding uncontrollably. He curled up like a ball, crying like a child with a wounded knee, staying in the corner of the closed bedroom door.

"Raym…" I mumbled and wiped his tears with my thumbs. I couldn't make out any other word. When I noticed his wound was still bleeding, I stood up and said, "I'll get some medicine."

I ran to the bathroom, and opened the medicine cabinet. I took out the alcohol, betadine, sone cotton and 2 pieces of band-aid. Then, I closed the cabinet. I saw myself through the mirror. I was crying. I couldn't help it. I was scared and sad and feeling helpless at the same time. I almost broke down in front of the mirror, but I thought of Raymond and knew I had to hold out.

It was Dullsville that night when Raymond and I ate dinner together in front of the TV. I kept on opening up new topics for conversation, but Raymond wasn't responding the way I would have wanted him to. After dinner, I fixed the dishes, brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom. I saw Raymond already lying on the bed, back against the door.

"Raym…if you don't want me to sleep here tonight, just say so."

Raymond did not answer. I took it as a yes and left the room with the lights still on.

The next morning at breakfast I found out that Raymond had left earlier than I could imagine. I tried calling Gary, but apparently he had already left for school. I wanted to call Ate Rowena but I was worried that she would panic when she hears about all that has happened. After minutes of confusion, I decided to call Raymond through his cellphone.

"Hello?"

"Raymond, where are you?"

"You don't need to know."

"Raymond…"

"Teri, I need some space. And I'm not in NASA."

I rolled my eyes, he even has the energy to tell a lousy joke. "If you needed space you could've sent me home. Isn't that easy to ask?"

"I can't. I need you to stay there when I come back."

"What for?" I asked.

Raymond didn't answer and hung up. I didn't know if I was to call again and scream at him for hanging up on me, or if I was to throw the phone away in irritation. Then again, I figured he was really having a hard time.

I called Mr. Leviste up that afternoon while Raymond still wasn't home. I was a little frightened, thinking he would slam the phone on me when he learns that it is me --- Raymond's friend --- calling him.

"Mr. Leviste, this is Teri Santos. Raymond's friend."

"I know you. Why are you calling me?"

"Sir, it's about Raymond…"

"If you're going to convince me to talk to him again, put the phone down. You're wasting your time. The scene I caused in your condo was enough. I'm not taking away anything I said. It's final," Mr. Leviste firmly said.

"No sir, I'm not going to do that."

"Then why did you call?"

"I just want you to know that in spite of what had happened, Raymond told me he still loves you and respects you as his father. He's having a hard time, sir…I don't even know where he is right now."

Mr. Leviste didn't speak. I didn't either. I wanted to hang up, but I waited for a response.

"What do you want me to do then?"

"Nothing sir. I just wanted you to know…and also, I want you to know that I'll be doing my best to take care of your son for you, sir. Even after the time you accept him as he is," I said and then hung up.

I looked at the stale food on the table, and then at my third cup of coffee. I've finished all my assignments for the night, watched two cable movies already and fed Raymond's fishes, but still, Raymond hasn't arrived. I was worried. He wasn't even answering my phone calls. The last time I dialed, his phone was already turned off.

I walked towards the window of the condo, and saw the lights of the Manila Bay. And then it struck me: Raymond has got to be at the breakwater. Whenever he had a big problem, he always wanted to be alone at the breakwater. I wore my jacket and my pants, and headed off for the breakwater.

I was right. Raymond was there, sitting all by his lonesome on the breakwater. Some of the lights were already turned off, and the air was unusually chilly. I saw some security guards making their rounds in the area, but besides them, there were no more people around. I walked towards Raymond and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I knew you'd come. I've been waiting for you all night," he said without looking up at me.

"Let's go home, Raym. It's already dark and its dangerous here."

Raymond looked at me, "You know what? When I have you around me I don’t need anyone else anymore…"

"Of course you do," I said.

"Well it seems that way to me."

"Let's go home, Raym…"

"Okay."

I know Raymond's problem still hasn't reached a resolution, but when we walked hand in hand towards Torre Lorenzo, I felt a strange feeling of peace and serenity in me. Somehow I felt that everything will be quite alright, in His own time.

The Odd Couple: Part Four

2004-10-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

Staying Together

Raymond
"How selfish of me to stop her from going back to her own home and her own family."

The first time Teri stepped her feet on my condo unit I thought she wouldn't stay for long, but I was so wrong. Today marks Teri's third month of stay here, and I wouldn't say I didn't like it. I honestly loved every second of us together and I wouldn't trade it for anything else (except maybe the time when Christian and I were still together). I haven't found a job yet, but I'm trying to, since my bills are already flooding my counter and the money I borrowed from my elder sister is not holding out anymore. It's a good thing Teri is able to finance my food for everyday, but I wouldn't want to abuse her kindness. I hope I could find a new job. Fast. --- Raymond

I was already dancing to my morning exercise music when Teri appeared behind me, clad in her blue pajamas and white spaghetti strapped blouse. I saw her reflection through the glass window of my huge aquarium, and, judging by the look on her face, I deduced she was bothered by the noise. She yawned loudly with her arms outstretched.

"I'm sorry sweetie, did I drag you out of bed?" I asked.

She shook her head and tied her hair in a ponytail with the blue scoongie on her left wrist, "No, it's okay. What are you doing?"

"This is my morning exercise. Do you like my music?"

She smiled. I was playing Geri Halliwell's version of "Its Raining Men". "Yeah, kinda. Do we have breakfast already?" she asked.

"Yes we do, princess. Just go to the kitchen to grab a bite. I bought your favorite breakfast food."

We simultaneously said, "Pan de sal and peanut butter!!!" and she went off to the kitchen while I continued my exercise. But before she could disappear from my sight, she glanced at me and said, "Hey… you're getting sexier!"

"Really?" I asked, "You think I could be as sexy as Catherine Zeta Jones?"

"Probably," I heard her say from the kitchen.

I walked towards the kitchen, "How about Pamela Anderson?"

She smirked and then looked at my chest, "Raym, Pamela Anderson is biologically female, and so is Catherine Zeta Jones."

I looked at her chest too, "And so are you."

"Oh, you…rotten gay hag! FYI, I'm not insecure about the way I look."

"Or the way your boobs didn’t grow out of your chest…" I teased.

"You are so mean!" she exclaimed.

"I was just kidding. Do you have classes today?"

Teri shook her head and spread peanut butter on her Pan de sal slice. "Why?" she asked, "Are you going anywhere?"

"No."

"I'm going to visit Mama and Daddy. I'll be back tomorrow," she said. I felt a bit sad. I was expecting to spend a whole weekend with her, maybe watch a movie or eat out or do some poetry reading together at the veranda.

"You want me to drive you home?"

"No. Never mind, Raym, just stay home. And don’t fetch me either, you'll just tire yourself. Besides, you need gas to go around looking for a job. You found anything yet?" she asked and took a bite out of the Pan de sal.

I went to the cupboard and picked up two cups. I filled both with coffee and gave one to Teri. She said thanks and took a sip, and I sat in front of her. "I got an offer from your school," I told her.

"From the university? A job? That's great!" she said, "What did they say?"

"They wanted me to teach. And you'll never guess what subject…" I said, enthusiastically.

"It's literature, Raym…don't mess around with the Jedi scholar. Take it. Then we'll always be together…not to mention there are a lot of hot guys in there."

"I don't really know."

"What are you talking about, Raym? This is great! I heard the jobs there pay well. After all, it is not just a university, its like a multinational company and Hollywood combined! I had a classmate before, and he looked so like Hugh Grant!"

I sighed and looked at her, "I've always wanted to teach, but I'm scared I can't handle the pressure. Look at Gary, he's having a hard time…I could tell. He's not even trying to join us in our escapades ever since he got busy with teaching."

Teri took another slice of bread and put some peanut butter on it. She looked at me in return, smiled, and said nothing. She stood up and carried her cup when she walked to the living room. I followed her.

"Hey…what am I going to do?" I asked when I saw her sitting on the sofa facing the window.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I want to teach."

"Then teach! What's the problem with that?" Teri said, "You worry too much, worry-wart! Sometimes you just have to learn to cross the bridge when you get there…"

As I spent my weekend alone, I tried to meet the requirements given to me by the university so that I would be able to submit them that Monday, or as soon as possible. I got my birth certificate photocopied, my cedula, SSS, NBI clearance, and other particulars. And then I invited my (and Teri's) good friend, Gary over to my unit to spend the evening with me. I kinda got attached to the idea that I have someone to look after every night…and Teri's absence made me feel a bit sad.

Teri called me up that night, though, after Gary left for home. She said that Christian and the woman she refers to as "the primordial-soup bimbo" left the house a week before and that she was thinking on moving out so she could stay with her parents again. I almost shouted "NO!" over the phone, but of course, I didn't. What right have I, anyway, to stop her from moving out? She has a home of her own, and she's just living with me temporarily.

After she called, I put out my journal and saw our distribution of chores inside the unit and our schedules for using the bedroom, phone, bathroom, etc. On the first month of Teri's stay, we had agreed upon the condition that she will be sleeping in my bedroom MWF, and I sleep on the sofa outside. I own the bedroom TTHS, and during Sundays, we sleep together. I smiled when I remembered the time I pushed her out of bed because I was dreaming. I wound up giving her a body massage the whole day.

I called her up again before I went to bed, and she said she was quite decided on moving out the week after. I didn't react. I just muttered a lame "Okay" and kissed her goodnight before I hung up the phone.

The next night, Teri and I were together again, and she bought me some dinner (Liy Ming's special chicken rice) when she got home. When I offered her a bite of what she had brought, she told me she already ate, so she just watched me devour the whole meal she bought for me.

"Are you really leaving on Saturday?" I asked after I ate the last bite of chicken.

"Yeah. Mama and Daddy are missing me so much, and I miss them too. Besides, Mama said that Cris didn't come home this week. So probably he doesn't have plans to. I wish…" she answered.

"I've already turned in my requirements to the university. They said they'll be calling me up this week for an interview," I said, changing the topic.

"Really?" she asked, "That's great, Raym! I really feel you'll be getting that job. I just have this feeling you'll be Sir Raymond Leviste in no time! I can't wait to see you at school!" she enthusiastically said.

I smiled. She yawned and covered her mouth when I looked at her. "You better go to bed. You still have classes tomorrow."

"You are so right. I better get a shut-eye. Good night…" she said and went to my room. Before she could close the door, she peeped out and said, "You will tuck me in, won't you?"

"Sure. I'll just brush my teeth."

"Okay…"

Right after my interview Thursday, I bumped into Teri and Gary somewhere outside the university chapel.

"Hey! You look good, Raym!" Teri said, complementing my dark-blue long-sleeved polo (my lucky one that came from Christian as a gift) and khaki pants. Gary just smiled and watched the two of us talk.

"You think I have a chance of getting the job?" I asked.

Gary gave me a pat on the back, "Trust me, Raym, they really need new Literature teachers here now. Some of the part-time professors have already left, and some of them are finishing their thesis."

"You have a big chance, Raym…besides, the job fits you perfectly."

"Thanks," I said and smiled.

"Hey, have you eaten yet? I have this special craving for tapsilog today…and I'm free until 2:30!" Teri said and winked at me.

"You know what? I do too," I said and then I grabbed Gary's hand, "C'mon, let's eat at Pupung's!"

Gary shooked his head, "Not today, Raym. I still have work to do. You better enjoy your free time now…once you get this job, you'll barely have time to breathe."

I was threatened at Gary's words. I never had a serious job before. I looked at Teri --- she was texting someone. Gary gave me another pat on the back and bid us goodbye, and then he walked away with his plastic file case and black sling bag. Whew. If I get the job, will I ever hold out? Can I do what Gary is doing? Will I still have time for myself?

As if she was reading my mind, Teri blurted out, "Yes…now stop thinking about it and let's eat, okay?"

I looked at Teri in awe, "How did you do that?" I asked.

"Fishbowl!" she teased.

"Flat-chested!" I quipped.

Teri glared at me, "One more word about my bustline and I'll never speak to you again!"

"But I thought you didn't mind!" I said.

"I don’t. I just don’t like you criticizing it like you are a 38-C!"

Saturday came, and Teri was already packed and ready to go. Unlike the other Saturdays, I wasn't in the mood to do my aerobic exercise that day. I just ate my breakfast slowly as I listened to the sounds of crumpling plastic and rearranging of the things inside my bedroom. A few minutes later, Teri came out with two of her bags.

"Morning, sweetie," I said.

"Morning, Raym." She sat down in front of me and started eating her breakfast. I fixed her a cup of coffee and gave it to her. She said a "thank you" and I sat in front of her again.

"I'm going to move in at a condo unit near school."

Teri looked up, "Really? Where?"

"I don't know yet. I'm choosing between Burgundy and Torre Lorenzo."

"That's great! You don't need to drive around anymore. You'll save money," she said and sipped her cup of coffee.

"Don’t leave, Teri."

"What?"

"Please don’t leave. I'll miss you."

Teri laughed, "After kicking me out of bed, you say you'll miss me?" she said, shaking her head. "I know you already miss your privacy."

"Yes I do, but I will miss you more if you leave."

"Flatterer!"

"No, I mean it!"

Teri sighed, "Raym…my mom and dad need me at home. They miss me too. We'll see each other at school. You'll be starting next month, right?"

I kept quiet. She was right. How selfish of me to stop her from going back to her own home and her own family.

"Please understand. I will miss all this too."

I nodded, "What time will I take you there?"

We arrived at the Santos residence at about 3 pm. I carried both Teri's bags and we went inside the house as soon as their maid rushed to the gate and opened it for us. The maid carried one of Teri's bags as we walked in. Teri's mother welcomed us.

"Teri!" she exclaimed, and hugged her daughter.

"Mama…" Teri said after she kissed her mom, "This is Raymond Leviste, my good friend. Raymond, this is my mom."

I shook hands with her mom. She looked at me through her glasses. "So you're Raymond. You look handsome, hijo…have you eaten lunch yet?"
Teri looked at me and smiled, "Mama, he's not handsome."

"Of course he is! Come, come to the kitchen. I prepared paella for you. It's Teri's favorite food, next to dinuguan, of course…" her mom said and disappeared into the kitchen.

We followed her mom to the kitchen and to Teri's horror (I could tell), there sat Christian and the girl, Bianca, eating away.

"Hi Teri. How are you?" Christian asked.

Teri didn't answer. She looked at her mom and then walked out of the kitchen, myself following closely behind.

"Hey you! I was asking you politely!" Christian said and ran after us. He pulled Teri's arm, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I should be the one asking you that question…what the hell is wrong with you, bringing that bitch in here?" Teri asked.

"She's not a bitch. She's my girlfriend!"

Ouch. That hurt. Girlfriend…

"Whatever, Cris! I just want her out of this place! I want her out of my house!"
Christian slapped Teri hard on the face. She threw herself a few feet away. Her mom screamed and I caught her in my arms.

"Damn it, Christian! Don't you dare slap Teri!" I said. Teri was holding her jaw.

"Wow, now you're my sister's knight in shining armor?" Christian asked and snorted out a laugh. He shook his head, "If you don’t want to see me and Bianca, get out of this house! It's that simple!"

"You have the nerve to tell me that, Cris? You think mom and dad approve of this? They are just trying to keep up with your goddamn fucking lifestyle because they love you! And you are taking them for granted just like you did to---" Teri stopped screaming, as if realizing something, and then went on, "If you continue to do this, Cris…in the end you will have no one else!"

Christian kept silent. Teri walked to the door and then carried her bags again, "Raymond, let's go."

"Teri…"

Teri turned around and hugged her mom in tears. I swear I could shed some of mine too, but I was so angry at Christian at that time I couldn't get myself to cry. I even wondered how I ever fell in love with such an asshole. I turned my gaze again at Teri and her mom. Somehow, it saddened me that Teri could not stay with her family because of an assholic brother, but I was happy somehow because Teri will be staying with me again. Which means…more movies and VCD's and night outs together. I know its pretty selfish, but what the heck.

"I'll see you again next week, Ma," I heard Teri say and wiped her tears.

Her mother walked up to me and embraced me, to my awe, and said, "Raym, hijo…please take care of my baby girl."

"I will Ma'm. Don't you worry, I will."

"This is like a nightmare," Teri said and switched my car radio on. Don’t wanna wake up alone anymore…still believe that you'll walk through my door.

"So…we're living together again, huh?" I asked while driving along the highway.

"Yeah."

"I can't help but think we're so similar to Will and Grace…only there's no Jack and Karen around to bother us," I said.

"Will and Grace? You're Will and I'm Grace?" she asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"You are more like Jack, you know."

"I don’t have a gay porn collection, Teri."

Teri laughed and looked out the window, "Yes, but still…you are flamboyantly gay. You don’t work in a law firm and you love acting, am I right?"

"You are so right."

"So you're Jack and I'm Karen…although I don’t have the teenie-weenie voice."

"And the big---"

"Stop it! I know what you're gonna say!" she said and raised her hand in front of me like a policeman stopping a car.

"I was just kidding. Let’s go home, I'm tired."

"Me too. Let's watch a movie at home," Teri suggested, and pointed to a nearby convenience store, "Let's buy some chips! And ice cream!"

I smiled at Teri's remark, "Okay…" and I maneuvered to the right to park the car in front of 7-11. We bought some chips and a gallon of ice cream drove off to home.

I've already found a job, and hopefully I could keep it. It wouldn't be nice to be living together with a girl in the same condo unit without any money. It would be a shame if I would be the one asking money from her to buy coffee and CoffeeMate. Anyway, I'll be starting a month after now, and I am really mortified. I don't know why. Maybe because even if I had always loved the idea of teaching, it is still very new to me. Unless you consider teaching Teri what colors to combine and not to, I haven't taught anything to anyone yet. In the meantime, Teri and I will enjoy this junk food festival we have for tonight, and for the other nights to come, hopefully in my new condo at Torre Lorenzo…and we'll just cross the bridge when we get there, hand in hand. ---Raymond

The Odd Couple: Part Three

2004-09-29T01:14:00.001+08:00

Moving In

Teri

"I know Raymond's privacy is sacred to him, and I wouldn't want to destroy that."

I was back in school again after my retreat to Baguio, and boy, I almost wished I never left. Tons of homework were assigned to us when I was gone, and somehow I regretted not having contacted my classmates about it. I called Raymond up from our publication office, and I found out that he hadn't come back to work yet. I also heard from Faye (Raymond's co-worker and friend), that their boss was really getting pissed at him because he left for Baguio without a formal written permission. Oops, sounded like Raymond was in for big trouble because of me. I tried contacting him through his cellphone, but it was either switched off or he was in a "no network coverage" area. I just left a message in his voice mailbox.

Coming home was also not a good idea. Cris was hanging out inside the house as if nothing had happened between him and my (our) parents. I could've cursed him for smoking inside the room and messing it up so much so I can't even see my bed. (but of course I'm exaggerating) On top of this, Cris brought a woman home and made her sleep on the most sacred place in our house. (read: MY bed) I was about to deliver a declaration of war when Mama told me it was only temporary and that I could sleep at the guest room. I told her it better be temporary, or else I will not hesitate to kick that woman out of my bedroom, including Cris.

"Teri, please…don't speak of your brother like that," Mama pleaded.

My eyes almost rolled out of my head, "Maybe this is why Kuya grew up like this Ma. You keep on tolerating him," I said and went inside the room to pick up my things. I saw the woman on my bed, smoking.

"Where's Cris?"

"He's out."

"Don’t you know it's unethical to smoke in another person's bedroom?" I asked as I opened my drawers to get my clothes.

"Cris told me it was okay. This is his room, right?" the woman said.

"What's your name?" I asked, irritatedly.

"Bianca."

"Oh…Bianca, didn't you ever wonder why there are two beds here and yet Cris claims its HIS room? Or are you just too stupid and dense to realize that he shares it with me?" I asked and turned around.

"Hey! I could tell Cris on you, you know!"

"You could tell him I'm a bitch for all I care! And now I'm telling you he's nothing but an asshole!" I said and slammed the door. As I went down the stairs to the guest room, I bumped into Cris and almost knocked me over.

"Oww!" I screamed, holding my shoulder and looking at my things that were already falling down the stairs.

"Ooops, sorry."

"Sorry yourself!" I muttered and ran downstairs to pick up my things.

"You've met Bianca, right?" he asked from upstairs.

"Yeah… and I've met Medusa too."

"Who's Medusa?"

"No one your common intellect can recognize," I said and went inside the guest room, slamming the door behind me.

Raymond was ready to fetch me up at home when he heard about the "invasion" that had happened to my room when he and I were in Baguio the past week. I told him that I'd be fine and that I can handle it, and if ever I couldn't do so anymore, I'll just give him a ring. He agreed, and he said goodbye for the night after we exchanged a telephone goodnight smooch. I laughed at the idea of living in Raymond's condo unit. It’s not that its weird…it's just, I don’t know…funny and distant at the same time. First of all, his condo is an hour away from school, whereas if I come from my house, I just have to travel for 20-30 minutes everyday to get to the campus. My parents are not that strict, by the way, but I'm not sure if they would agree on this idea. Finally, I know Raymond's privacy is sacred to him, and I wouldn't want to destroy that.

I didn’t know the next day would be worst than the end of the world though. I was halfway through my breakfast when Cris and Bianca came to the table to eat. I just exchanged glances with them and stood up to go up to my room and get some other things I left the night before. To my surprise, the room looked so much like a warzone. Clothes were sprawled all over the place, cigarette butts lay on the carpet (parts of the carpet were burned too), and my dresser was such a mess! I looked inside my closet and found beer bottles, cigarette packs, thong panties and condoms inside. I got really mad and ran downstairs.

"Who gave you the right to turn my bedroom into a motel room?" I asked.

"Well, geez, Teri…I thought it was OUR room, not yours alone," Cris said in the most stupid manner he could ever manage to. I was beginning to feel the veins in my throat bulging out of anger. Good thing I don’t turn green and grow my clothes out, or else…

"OUR room? If it was OUR room, you wouldn't have had that woman use it like it were hers! I left that room in good condition, and now it looks like BigFoot shook the whole room over!"

Cris shook his head and went up to me, "Calm down, Teri. We'll fix it up, I promise."

"Oh shut up, Cris! I'm so tired of your goddamn promises! I want both of you to leave my room! I want to see that room as orderly as I left it when I come back from school later, do you understand?" I asked.

"Who do you think you are? And where do you get off asking me to leave the room as if it wasn't mine? You're just my little sister!" Cris shouted at me.
Mama started refereeing, but I pushed Cris away even before she could say

"Stop!".

"Your little sister? I'm nobody's little sister! Have you ever been more like a brother to me all this time? Heck, Cris…I've been more like YOUR big sister!"

"Teresa, Christian…stop it!" Mama said.

"Look at Teri, Mama. Three years in college and she starts shouting at me!" Cris said and pointed to me.

I slapped his hand away, "Don't you ever point those fingers at me! You don't have the right!"

"I said STOP!" Mama screamed on the top of her lungs.

Cris and I stopped bickering, but we were still glaring at each other. I would have loved strangling him and that woman if Mama weren't around.

"What am I going to do with both of you? Do you want to kill each other right in front of your mother?" Mama screamed.

I winced at the sound of Mama's high-pitched voice. She carried on with lecturing us until she said I should apologize to my brother.

"What? I'm not going to apologize to that jerk! You could ask me to jump from the Eiffel Tower and I'd do it for you with a smile…"

"TERESA!"

"I'm not doing it, Mama! If only to keep the peace in this house, I'm leaving!" I said and turned my back on Mama, Cris and Bianca. Mama ran after me upstairs and watched me pack my bags.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't stay another minute with Kuya in this house…and that --- woman. That woman is driving me crazy!"

"Where are you going? Are you going to stay with Raymond?" she asked. I stopped folding my clothes. I was quite decided I was going to leave, but where I'm going was not really that clear to me. "Maybe…" I said.

"He's your bestfriend, right?" she asked again.

"Yes Mama. He's my bestfriend and he's gay. Don't worry, Raym will not rape me or anything. He'd gladly die of a stroke before he does that," I clarified. The tone of Mama's voice was quite uncertain, and I wanted to remove her uncertainty so she would agree on my leaving the house.

Mama hugged me, "I'm sorry, Teri. I can't make Cris go away. But that doesn't mean I love you less. It's just that--"

"Mama, I understand. It's okay…this---thing, it's not permanent. I'll just stay in at Raymond's while the atmosphere here is Cris-centric. I'll be back, Ma…and I'll be visiting now and then to check on you and Daddy."

"You do that, okay?" Mama asked and kissed my forehead.

"I will, I promise. And don't worry about me, okay? Raym takes care of me real well."

Raymond fetched me an hour and a half after I called him up. He was on his way to the CCP so he'd just drop me off at my school and then he'll go off to work.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked when he drove off the highway.

"There were spiders in my room and rats in my closet," I said and combed my wet hair.

"It’s the woman, isn't it? Its whatz-her-name?"

"Bianca, the bitch."

"Hey, I thought you were the bitch!" Raymond exclaimed.

"Well, she's a different bitch altogether. If I was the bitch reinvented, she is the primitive, underdeveloped, primordial-soup bitch. As bitchy as a bitch can be."
Raymond let out a small laugh and then parked the car on the side of the street.

"Here you are, sweetie," he said and went out of the car to open the door for me. I went out and he gave me my school bag.

"I'll be off at 5:30," I said and slung my knapsack behind me.

"I'll be off at 6. Can you wait for me? My boss is quite peeved at me right now."

"Do I have a choice?"

At 6 pm I was waiting in front of the university's main gate. In no time, Raymond's car appeared in front of me. I approached the car and opened the door, "Hurry up, Teri…I'm really really hungry!"

"Oh you poor thing," I said, "Let's drop by a restaurant or a fastfood."

"No. Let's just go home."

"Are you okay? You haven’t smiled since you fetched me."

"No I am not okay, and I can't afford to spend for food tonight. I just lost my job," Raymond said.

"Why?"

"The boss just had the perfect excuse to fire me. I knew he had his eyes on my head for the longest time. That old guy doesn't want me there because I'm prettier than him!" Raymond said.

"He can't do that! We can sue!"

"But Teri, it's my fault, really. I left without asking permission. And now they asked me to leave---permanently."

"Turn left down the next block. We're eating out, and its all on me," I said.

"No, Teri."

"Are you going to turn left or am I going to cause a real big accident by taking the wheel? I said turn left…" I said and Raymond turned left down the block after shaking his head.

We came to a McDonald's branch and went inside to eat. Raymond and I got a seat on the far corner of the store, and then we went to the counter to order food. It was then that Raymond nudged me and said, "Look at that. Its like the same blouse I gave you for your last birthday," and pointed to a girl at the counter.

"Yeah…she's got good taste," I remarked.

"True," Raymond said, but then he noticed something---or someone---really familiar standing beside the girl ordering at the counter. "Is that Christian?" he asked.

"What?" I asked back, disturbed.

"Its Christian."

Just then the girl turned around, carrying a tray and my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. It was Bianca, and the guy beside her was Cris.

"Well, well, well…if it isn't your little sister," Bianca said to Cris and then smiled a triumphant smile at me.

I wanted to pull her hair out of her head, but I smiled and played along, "Well, well, well…if it isn’t the little thief," I said. I touched the sleeve of the blouse she was wearing, "This, I believe, is mine."

"Not anymore!" she smirked.

I was about to slap Bianca square in the face, but Raymond held me back. And if what Bianca did wasn't rude enough, Cris even had the guts to wink at Raymond. That made me very very angry. I didn't stay in the line for more than a second after that. I followed Bianca and Cris to their seats and before Bianca could put her tray down I pushed it to her chest, causing the drinks to spill on her (my) blouse.

"Teri! Will you stop that?" Cris asked as Bianca screamed.

"You know what, Cris? I will. But not till I get even with you," I pointed to him,
"And you!" I pointed to Bianca, who was already screaming, dabbing tissue on her (my) blouse. I turned around, got my bag from our table and went out to the parking lot. Raymond followed me.

"I thought we were going to grab a bite?"

"So did I." Raymond opened the car door for me and I went in, "Let’s just go anywhere else…anywhere else where Cris and Bianca don’t exist."

"Okeydokey," Raymond said and drove off, "But I'm still hungry…"

"Tell you what. Let's just drive over to your condo and I'll just have pizza delivered over. Is that fine with you?" I asked.

Raymond smiled, "Anything's fine with me as long as you're paying."

Three hours, two small pizzas and one movie later, I found myself lying on the carpet, yawning. My eyes were very heavy and I couldn't seem to get to open them without forcing them to. I then felt someone pull my sleeve.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty…wake up. The bedroom is over there," Raymond told me. He was already wearing his pajamas. I rolled over and stood up, "Where?"

"There," Raymond said and pointed to a door. I walked towards the door, sleepily, and banged my head on it. Raymond laughed.

"Hey…Teri, what's going on? Are you drunk?" he asked, stifling a laugh.

"I'm really sleepy," I said.

"In case you didn’t know, we have these things called doorknobs, and we use them to open doors," he teased.

I nodded and then twisted the doorknob. The door opened to a not-so-small room furnished with a queen-sized bed, a bedside table and a small sofa. I went inside the room and threw myself on the bed. Minutes later, Raymond was standing by the door, holding a towel and a toothbrush in his hands, "You haven't brushed your teeth yet," he reminded.

"Can you brush my teeth for me, please? I'm soooo tired."

Raymond sighed and walked over to the bedside table, "I'll leave your towel and toothbrush here. Hey, if you need anything else, I'll be sleeping on the sofa so you can bother me anytime, okay."

"Thanks Raym," I said, "Now where's my goodnight smooch?"

He leaned towards me and kissed me on the cheek, "Night, Teri."

"Night, Raym."

"Sweet dreams…"

"Raym?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"If you don't stop that talk I'm going to slap you!"

I smiled as Raymond tucked me in. He switched the lights off and closed the door behind him when he left the room.

The Odd Couple: Part Two

2004-09-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

Escape to the Pines

Raymond
"I only wished she was meeting up with someone much worthy of her, not just some Houdini character who appears after a year at a moviehouse and swoons her back."

Teri and I are having such a great time here in Baguio. We just came from a whole day of shopping and sight-seeing earlier, and we had so much fun at the Burnham Park. Tomorrow, we're going up to the PMA to look for handsome PMAyers (cadets and officers alike). She also told me she'd like to watch Moulin Rouge at the moviehouse in Session Road. I haven't seen it yet myself, so probably we'd be seeing the movie after exhausting all our charms at the hunk haven. --- Raymond

"Raym, where are you?"

"Here, Teri." I called from the veranda of Teri's family's resthouse.

She appeared behind me seconds later, holding two cups of coffee. "Drink some coffee. It’s only here that you get to enjoy a hot cup of coffee," she said and gave one of the cups to me. I took it and sipped a little.

"You have to wake up early tomorrow so we can catch the cadets jogging up there," Teri said, stirring her coffee with a silver teaspoon.

I nooded and took another sip, "Sure. Ask me not to sleep just to see them and I'll gladly do it for you," I said. She laughed and slapped my shoulder.

"Its getting cold out here. Don't you want to go inside?" she asked after a cold breeze went past us.

"Later maybe," I said, "I want to watch the stars."

"Watch the stars or reminisce over someone?"

"Stop it, Teri."

I saw Teri's sly smile, "Don't hide it, Raym. Its just so obvious."

I sighed. Teri is so right. I am transparent. I feel like a glass fishbowl and all Teri has to do is take one good look at me to see how I'm feeling.

"Anyway, I'm going in. I'm kinda sleepy. Don't forget to close the windows okay?" she asked me and turned around to go back inside the house.

"I won't."

The next day Teri and I went jogging at the PMA at 8 in the morning. The air was so cool and I almost swore I'll never go back to Manila anymore if only for the fresh air. The sights were also good, of course, and Teri had to keep pulling me back into track whenever cadets were marching past us.

"Raymond, will you stop looking at those cadets for a while?" Teri asked.

"Oh no, you’re getting jealous."

Teri rolled her eyes, "I may be, but you almost got hit by the tourist bus if you still haven't noticed."

I gasped, "Really? Oh my…"

"So, are you contented now?" she asked when she sat down on the stone pavement.

"Sort of. I was kinda hoping I'm going to see more," I answered and sat beside her. She gave her mineral water bottle to me and I took a gulp.

"Why don't I leave you here?" Teri asked, sarcastically.

I sighed, "Okay, let's just do what you want to do," I said and looked around.

"Let's go to Session Road and watch Moulin Rouge, please?" she pleaded.

"I said yes yesterday, right? Shall we go now?" I asked and looked at her. She was fidgeting with her jacket and looking at the Mess Hall of the PMA. I nudged her.

"What?"

I rolled my eyes, "I was asking if we're going to Session Road now, but it looks like you're the one getting distracted by these cadets all of a sudden."

"Let's go back to the house first. Let's take a bath and then eat brunch first. Then we'll go to Session Road," she said.

"Fine with me," I said and we jogged up to the PMA Chapel where we got inside a jeepney to return to Teri's house.

The sun was already high, and Teri and I were already strolling along Session Road. We walked past the record bar and the stalls and then we got to the moviehouse. Teri bought our tickets, I bought the refreshments (as if we didn't have enough of our delicious brunch Teri cooked). I was about to approach Teri when I heard someone call her name. I looked and gasped when I saw who it was.

"Matt?"

"Teri…is it really you?"

"Yes. What are you doing here?" Teri asked, her lips curling up to a smile.

I could have sworn Teri was about to faint when she saw Matt. Fortunately she had the dignity to stay standing (that's my Teri!). They haven't seen each other for about a year, after they've parted ways. After Matt made Teri cry.

"Its such a small world," I heard Matt say.

"Oh, um…Matt, you remember Raymond, don't you?" Teri asked and pointed to me.

"Of course," he said and shook hands with me. I looked at Teri and raised my eyebrow.

"You’re not going to watch Moulin Rouge are you?" Teri asked.

"Get out of here! You’re going to watch it too?" Matt asked back, raising his ticket for both of us to see. I sighed. This is not going to be pretty. I felt Teri grope for my hand when we went inside the moviehouse along with Matt. She then whispered an all too familiar line in my ear.

"Raym…help!"

"Keep your head up, girl. I'm here."

Matt and Teri were going out for the longest time a year ago or so, about the same time when Teri and I started getting close to each other, and Teri was already going gaga over him. We would wind up going to department stores and clothing boutiques looking for shirts and other pieces of clothing she could give Matt for his birthday or for any other special day. I've always asked Teri then if Matt had ever told him he loved her, but she'd always shake her head. She'd justify it though, by saying that Matt is not very vocal about his feelings, but his actions say a lot. I'd just nod and go along, though I didn't really believe her.

I was not actually against the whole Matt-Teri thing, but I had a feeling then that the "thing" will not really last. I mean, they go out, he calls her up at night, texts her and all, but no "I love you's"? Hmmm, it sounded like Teri's Mr. Dream Guy was afraid of something they name with a capital C.

And then he just disappeared. Just like that. He didn't even leave a note for Teri or anything. We (I mean, I) thought he was dead. It actually was better if he was. God, I'm so bitter.

Teri was pathetic to be seen crying over a guy. It was the first time I saw her cry like that, because even the soppiest movies couldn't make her roll on the floor in tears and leave her sleepless for three nights straight. I was so nervous I thought of bringing her to the hospital then. And at the same time I was taking care of her, I was cursing Matt like hell. I even considered contacting a friend who practices witchcraft to try her voodoo on Matt just to get even with him for what he did to poor Teri. Unfortunately, though, that friend of mine was nowhere to be found. (Maybe she tried her voodoo on herself and disappeared or something, but that's a different story.)

I felt Teri's hand clutch mine. I moved closer to her and asked, "Why?"

"I can't breathe…"

"Is that a real, genuine asthma attack? Because if it's not, my vote is on Ewan," I said.

"Raym…of course its not a real, genuine asthma attack! It’s a Matt attack!" she exclaimed, whispering.

"Will you stop that? You sound stupid! Please don't forget that the guy ditched you last year without a single written or spoken word," I said, almost irritatedly, still looking at Ewan McGregor's angelic face and innocent eyes.

"Of course I sound stupid! I'm…in love…I think."

This time I looked at her. Hard. "Do you understand what you're saying?"

"I don’t know."

"Well, I'm telling you now. You don't. Now eyes on the movie and not on the seatmate on your left, alright?"

"But I can't, Raym!" she exclaimed, still whispering, tugging my sleeve as though she were trying to convince me to go to the ladies room with her.

"You can't? What are you, blind? Can't you see Ewan's face?"

"Fine. If you won't help me…" Teri said, then stood up and walked out of the moviehouse. I looked up at her, but I didn't follow. She'll be back. I looked at Matt, who was one seat away from me, and he smiled. I raised my eyebrow at him, and I guess he took the clue when he looked at the big screen again.

Fifteen minutes later, Teri was still not back from God-knows-where and Matt just left his seat. This is bad, I thought, and after catching one last glimpse of Ewan McGregor singing "I will love you until my dying day…", I left the moviehouse as well even if it was against my will.

I found Teri and Matt outside the moviehouse, talking. I didn't dare interfere with what they were doing. All I did was stand around and wait until Matt left (which he did after ten million light years).

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked Teri when I approached her.

"We were just talking, Raymond. Don't tell me you’re jealous," she said and walked to the pavement waving her hands around to hail a taxi.

"Jealous? I'm disappointed, Teri. I thought you were smart enough to lose that jerk. Besides, we didn't even finish the movie…" I said.

Teri managed to hail an FX before I could walk away from her. "Manong, Pinesville Subdivision, Kias Road," she told the driver and we sped off.

"Raym, we'll go watch the movie tomorrow if you want to," she said after we passed Sunshine Park, "I'll even pay for your ticket."

"That's not the main point, Teri. That guy is a loser…we don't date losers when we know they are," I said, crossing my arms in front of me.

Teri sighed and shook her head.

"What? That's the only response I get from you?" I asked and then did an impersonation of Teri's action a while back.

"Will you stop nagging me?" she asked. I kept quiet until we got home.

"Okay, speak up. Spill it all out. What did that character say to you?" I asked when we got inside the house.

Teri threw her keys on the table and slumped face down on the bed. It took a while before she could answer my question. I sat on the bed as well.

"He just wanted to talk to me, like we did before. He said he wanted to see me tomorrow so we could talk things over and stuff like that."

"And then what?"

"And then what what? That's it," Teri said and hugged a bolster pillow that covered her face.

I looked at her and lifted the pillow to see her face, "I'm thinking you did the logical thing and got the ditching from you now."

"I don’t know logic."

"What? Are you out of your mind?"

Teri laughed, "I guess."

"This is no laughing matter, Teri. Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? You're making yourself too vulnerable!" I exclaimed. I was such a nagger.

Teri moved to face me. "I'm sorry, Raym. I couldn't resist. I guess I missed him."
"Hello, Teri. Earth to Teri…Matt left you a year ago with nothing…nothing, nada, zero!!!" I said, almost screaming.

"What's your problem, Raym? This is my life…I will do what I want to do, so there!" Teri said and turned her back against me. "And stop screaming at me like you know what I feel!"

"Fine! Suit yourself!" I said and turned my back against hers as well. She could be very stubborn at times, and this time I would have pulled her hair off her scalp if she weren't my friend. A few moments of silence enveloped both of us. We were totally quiet, which was unusual, but understandable. After a considerably long time, she spoke.

"I'm sorry, Raym. I didn't mean to say those things. I'm just really confused right now. Please understand."

"I always do," I said, "even if I refuse to."

"I'm going to meet up with Matt tomorrow, and tagging along is not allowed," she said.

"Who told you I was coming along? I'd rather stay here than see that guy lurk around you."

"Raymond, are you mad at me?" she asked while pulling the hem of my shirt.

"No. I'm disbelieving everything that's happening. I wish someone would pinch me and wake me from this nightmare," I said and lay on the bed, "Don’t wake me up till 7," I said and closed my eyes. I felt Teri kiss my cheek, and then she left the room.

Teri left at about 2 in the afternoon the next day, while I was busy writing my poem in the veranda. She wore the red and orange blouse I bought for her in Minesview the previous day, and she looked just perfect. I only wished she was meeting up with someone much worthy of her, not just some Houdini character who appears after a year at a moviehouse and swoons her back.

An hour later, I received a text message from Teri, saying she was waiting at the restaurant for already 30 minutes but Matt wasn't showing up yet. I told her to come home, but she wouldn’t. She texted me again 15 minutes later, and told me that Matt was already there. I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought Matt would pull off another of his disappearing acts. It was a good 3 hours that my cellphone kept quiet, and the next text message I got said that Teri was already on her way home.

"How was it?" I asked when I opened the door for her.

"He told me he loved me," Teri answered and sat on the sofa.

"He did? That's good," I said and smiled. There was hope after all, I thought, but Teri wasn't quite happy. "What’s wrong? You’re supposed to be smiling, right? Was there something I missed?"

"Raym, he's got a kid."

My mouth hung open. "That was why he left without a word. He didn't want to hurt me…he loved me but he couldn't say it because a girl came up to his doorstep and told him she was carrying his child. He didn't want to run away from the girl and the child…so he ran away from me."

I held Teri's hands. They were shaking. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I've loved him all this time. It's so unfair!" Teri said and started crying. I just looked at her as her tears started falling from her eyes. This was the same Teri who cried over the same Matt. I didn't know if I was to pity her first or get angry at Matt for doing the same thing over, much worse this time.

"I can't believe this is happening to me," Teri muttered and wiped her tears, "Do you know how hard it is to find someone who loves you the same way you do? Do you know how hard it is to lose that someone?" I couldn't say a word. All I could do was listen and swallow the lump in my throat.

"Its so unfair," Teri started again and lay on the bed. She sobbed while burying her face into her pillow, and I felt like crying too. I heaved a deep breath and tried not to, but the way Teri was whining made me feel sick in the stomach. Matt should thank high heavens that I wasn't there or else he would have tasted the sole of my size 9 shoe.

"Hush, Teri. That's enough."

"Now how can I find the perfect man for me when it seems that there are already less straight men around?" I heard Teri cry. I didn't know if I was to feel hurt or sorry for her. I knew she somehow meant me. I released her hand and walked out to the veranda.

"Raym? Did I say anything wrong?" Teri asked when she walked out to the veranda a few minutes later. I shook my head, still facing the houses across Teri's and the trees that laced the greens. The sun was already about to set, and the sky was a beautiful purplish blue.

"It's just that when I see you like that…I wish I was the one, the straight guy who'll wipe your tears away… and tell you that everything's gonna be alright. But, look at me, Teri…I'm just your gay friend. And no matter what you or I do, I can never be a straight guy."

Teri shook her head, "I don't want you to be some straight guy, Raym. I love you just the way you are. You have wiped these tears so many times already, and you've made all the difference," she said and smiled at me. I smiled back, and amidst the cold breeze, we found ourselves in each other's arms, however corny it may seem.

"You still owe me a ticket to the Moulin Rouge, sweetie," I said.

She looked up at me and smiled, "Sure. Anything you say."

"Let's watch it twice, and then let's buy the CD! Ewan is just so adorable! I wish I would have a Christian who'd sweep me off with his songs!"

"Oh Raymond, shut up!"

We're leaving for Manila on Wednesday, just in time for me to go back to work. In the meantime, Teri and I will be watching Moulin Rouge and shopping at the famous ukay-ukay for shoes and sandals. Oh, I almost forgot, we were going to the public market to buy some really cheap vegetables. And then we are going to La Trinidad to buy our strawberries. We heard it was cheap there nowadays. It is a long ride, according to Teri, but it is worth it.

I don't really know if I want to repeat this Baguio thing again. For one, I don’t want to see my beloved Teri shed tears for one useless guy. Maybe I really do love her, but not to the point that I will marry her or something to that effect. Maybe we'll stay this way even if we find our own destined partners. And maybe I'll call it the Will and Grace complex. --- Raymond

The Odd Couple: Part One

2004-09-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

Monday at the Breakwater

Teri
" All I was thinking at that time was the one thing I could never tell Raymond."

When Raymond and I became good friends three months after we knew each other (which was a year ago), we grew accustomed to spending afternoons and evenings at the CCP breakwater. It was a convenient place for both of us, since I studied in a university near Roxas Blvd. and Raymond worked as a Program Coordinator at the CCP. During Mondays though, I finish class as early as 3 pm and Raymond would just be browsing around for interesting reads at the CCP Library, as Monday was his day-off.

Raymond and I are like brother and sister. (Or should I say, more like, sisters?) We spend time at the breakwater to talk about school (me), work (him), things that had bothered us or made us laugh during the day, and when we run out of things to talk about, Raymond brings out his small notebook and starts reading poems to me. Sometimes he writes them, sometimes, it comes from his vast collection of literary pieces. Poetry is probably the only thing we never fight about (besides Pupung's tapsilog and Liy Ming's special chicken rice) because we both enjoy poetry. Raymond breathes it, and I do too. Monday afternoons were special to me, because we spend a lot of time together, just the two of us. We would watch lovers kiss as the sun sets, make up stories about them, hold hands when we share our very own "kilig" stories, and on top of that, eat inihaw hotdogs while Raymond reads his poetry to me as the baywater crashes beneath the stone we sit on.

That Monday was different, though. I was not at all in the mood to spend the afternoon at the breakwater. I actually dreaded walking through Taft Avenue, riding the orange shuttle and meeting Raymond at the biking area of the CCP Complex.

The Saturday before, I was alarmed when Raymond called me at 2 a.m., his voice breaking and all. I almost shouted at him when I thought he was up to his usual crank call impersonation of Nora Aunor's immortal cinematic lines. I was wrong.

Christian, Raymond's lover of four months, broke up with him that morning. The guy said (according to Raymond's testimony) that he made a mistake of having been into a relationship with a person of the same sex --- and wanted nothing to do with it anymore. Yeah right, I said… after that Christian character almost swiped out Raymond's credit card account in a week just to buy things for himself, and he had the guts to leave him like this! Damn. I remembered the time when Raymond begged money from me just so he could take Christian out to dinner. Of course I was irritated, but I couldn't resist Raymond, so…

"Raym (my pet name for him, pronounced Reym), it's okay. Stop crying. I'm sure he's already regretting the fact that he let go of you," I said over the phone. Raymond didn't say anything. I could hear his sobs, though, and it broke my heart.

"Raym, promise…we'll talk about it on Monday, okay?"

"Okay."

Then I hung up the phone.

The next day my elder brother Cris came home after deserting us for about half a century (actually it was more than just half a year since he left). Finally, the other side of my room was filled with life again. Not that I liked it, but it was inevitable. He was my brother after all, and my parents' very own prodigal son.

"Where've you been?" I asked.

"None of your business."

Yup. Same old Cris alright. Now that feels more like home. He threw his bags on his bed, took out some clothes and made a complete mess of the bed I had carefully fixed for his return. Oh well, so much for the job of the Welcoming Committee.

(Kuya) Cris went out to smoke (thank God he still remembers I have asthma) and, out of curiosity, I tinkered about on his property. I figured he had gotten a job while he was away, because nothing filled his bag but designer clothes, perfume and a sleek leather wallet. I'm impressed, I thought, and opened his wallet to check for bills. Out flew a picture I quickly picked up. Then, I hoped I didn't snoop around Cris' things.

"Hey, what are you doing? You stealing from me?" Cris asked when he got inside the room.

"No. It looks like you are the one who stole something from me."

"What are you talking about? Give me back my wallet."

I threw the wallet to him and stood up. I showed him the picture I had gotten.

"That's Raymond, my gay lover. I mean… ex-lover."

I didn't say a word. I was making sure I heard every word correctly.

"What, you're gonna curse me to hell just because I had a relationship with a gay man? I told you he's my ex. Now give me that!" he said and snatched the picture out of my hand.

"Raymond is my friend, Cris," I said. God, if glaring at Cris could kill, he would've been dead by then.

"Oh." He turned around and walked away.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"I told you he was my friend!"

"So what? Are you telling me I'm not supposed to date your friends or something? Give me a break, Teri."

I threw a pillow at Cris. I was so irritated I thanked God we weren't in the kitchen. Or else I might've thrown the butcher's knife straight into his face. (And I didn't care if he was my brother.)

"Do that again and I swear to God I'll hit you!" Cris said.

"Try me."

"What’s your problem, Teri? I just got home and you're already pestering me!"

"You shouldn't have come home," I muttered.

"You're angry at me because I broke up with your faggot friend? Whose side are you on, anyway?"

"His. And don’t you refer to him as my 'faggot friend'. His name is Raymond."

Cris let out a small laugh, "What did Raymond feed you? Hotdog on a stick?"

That was it. It was enough. I screamed at him…

"I'm angry at you because you took him for granted! You broke up with him with a lousy reason after he spent a lot on you, after he loved you--- he loved YOU! He loved you, and not me… and you took it for granted! Since you've been together I've always wanted to be in your shoes, without me knowing it was actually you --- my brother--- I was jealous of! I hate you, Cris! I hate you! I hate you for doing this to Raymond and to me!"

I totally lost it. By the time I ended my litany I was down on the floor, drawing tear-patches on the carpet. I was worse than a 4-year old throwing a temper tantrum. Cris just looked at me and went out of the room. Why did Raymond's lover have to be my brother?

It was a nice Monday afternoon. It made me feel sicker in the stomach. I wanted to text Raymond to tell him I wouldn't be able to go, but I didn’t have the heart to send the message. He met me at the biking area, and he was smiling. I forced a smile when he asked if I had eaten already, and I said yes. We walked to the breakwater, with no exchange of words, and when we sat side by side facing the sunset, he opened the conversation.

"I'm feeling much better now."

I didn't know if I was to feel relieved at his statement. I just looked at the sun and the sky, it was a montage of colors. Blue, purple, pink, yellow…

"Are you listening?"

"Yeah, of course." Now, tears were starting to form in my eyes. I tried keeping them in, but my throat hurt trying to. It stung my eyes when I tried not to blink so the tears won't fall. I closed my eyes.

"Thanks for being here for me, Teri," Raymond said, putting his hand on my lap.

I looked at his hand and nodded, "I'll always be here for you, Raym. Always. We're sisters, aren't we?"

"Are you crying?" he asked. I shook my head, but I knew my eyes betrayed me.

"Can… can I see a picture of Christian?" I asked. I ncver asked for Christian's picture before. I was too jealous to see the face of my only rival. My brother.

Raymond readily put out his wallet. It was the first thing I saw when he opened it.

"Haven't replaced it yet. I don't want to," he said, shyly.

"I have something to show you too," I said and showed him a picture of Cris and I two years ago. We were in Baguio then, on a vacation. Raymond looked at me with a perplexed look on his face, but before he could say anything, I preempted him, "It's not what you think, Raym. Christian, your lover, is my brother, Cris."

I felt Raymond's body grow limp beside me, "Im so sorry, Teri," he said after a few minutes of silence. By this time, the sun had already set, and the sky was already a mixture of dark violet and blue. I could already see the lights from the pier across the breakwater.

"No, Raym. I'm sorry. I'm sorry because Cris did this to you."

"It's not your fault, Teri. It was out of your control. It was out of anybody's control even. I guess it was bound to happen."

I sighed. "I regret having him as my brother. I hate him. Sure, I've always hated him, but now…"

"Teri, don't be so cruel. He is your brother."

"He's my brother, alright. But he treats me more like a roommate. A college icky roommate. I'm really sorry."

"I said it's not your fault."

I shook my head and cried. I buried my face in my hands and Raymond put his arms around me. I hugged him back. He was running his fingers through my hair, saying things I couldn't really figure out anymore. I was crying like a baby. I didn't care anymore if people around us were already staring. I didn’t really care about anything anymore. All I was thinking at that time was the one thing I could never tell Raymond.

"Now stop crying. You sound like you're the one recovering from a break-up here…" Raymond teased, trying to make me smile. He withdrew from the hug and gave me his handkerchief. I took it and wiped my tears. I looked around. It was already dark. The place was illuminated only by the lamps of the nearby food stalls.

Raymond put out his small notebook again. He began to recite some lines of a poem I was very familiar with.

"I'm not ashamed to admit it, I love you the way water loves," he said, quoting from the last verses of the poem.

And then I continued, "Which is to say… I wish the world were through with you, so you can return to me, ravaged upon this shore, a shell held tight inside my palm."

Raymond looked at me in awe, "I didn't know you knew this poem."

"There's so much more you don't know about me Raym," I said.

"Like what?" he asked, picking up a pen from his pocket, as if what I had to say would matter much for him to put in his daily journal.

"Like I learned that poem by heart months ago, and wished I had been the one who wrote it for you."

His pen stopped when it touched the paper. My words seemed to paralyze him. He was motionless for a moment and I didn't say anything anymore. I just let him absorb the things I said. He slowly closed his notebook and asked, "Why?"

"Because I love you. And I wished Christian were through with you, so you could return to me… I guess I wished too hard. I wish I didn't have to."

"But Teri… from the time you knew me, you knew very well that I'm gay, right?

I nodded. I knew, but…

"Why then would you…?"

"I don’t know. I love you without knowing how, or when or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. So I love you because I know no other way than this… that's Pablo Neruda's explanation. The best explanation I could probably ever have."

"I'm gay, Teri."

"I know. That's why I tried to fight this feeling so hard I almost wanted to stop breathing so I can stop falling for you. That's why I kept this feeling from you for so long. That's why this…thing will never work out. And this is why I have to go."

I stood up and walked away from the breakwater, leaving Raymond behind. I knew he was completely shocked by what I said, so I didn't expect him to run after me like he usually does when we fight over petty things. He didn't. And I didn't know if I would be sorry for myself or be relieved.

Four days later, I called Raymond's house at 7 in the morning. The answering machine took my call, and even before I could debate with myself if I should leave a message or not, the tone sounded and I spoke:

"Hey…um, it's Teri. I'm leaving for Baguio later at 10, try to have a vacation, think some things over… you know. Um, look, I'm really sorry for everything, Raym," I sighed. There was no use explaining to an answering machine.

"Well anyway… yeah, I'm leaving. I'm taking the Victory Liner in Pasay… just so you know, and if ever you want to send me off or something. Right… like you would. Anyway, um, just take care of yourself right. I'll be back, I don't know when but I'll be back. I'll miss you."
I waited for a moment, and I hung up.

I turned off the discman when the batteries wore off. I tried to look for batteries in my bag but apparently I had forgotten to bring spares. Darn it. And I brought my Il Postino soundtrack with me for nothing. I'd wanted to hear Andy Garcia's voice, but now I'll have to wait until I get to Baguio.

The bus is still loading passengers… should I buy some? No, the bus might leave me behind. Oh never mind. I still have my copy of Sorrows of Water with me anyway.

I browsed through my worn out book and closed it. I remembered Raymond. This was his favorite book. I'd bought him a copy as a birthday present, and I bought one for myself too, even before he even heard of Sorrows of Water or J. Neil Carmelo Garcia. I opened the book again, and I saw the poem he recited last Monday. I muttered a few words…

"Lost in the sea's unforgiving blue, I seek you."

I closed my eyes. And then the book followed. I wanted to get off the bus, but this was the only way I can escape Raymond. I was so ashamed to tell him that I did love him, and yet at this point I realize I didn't have any other choice but admit it:

"I love you the way water loves."

"Which is to say, I wish the world were through with you. So you could return to me…"
I opened my eyes and looked up. It was Raymond.

"I rushed here as soon as I got your message. Going to Baguio without tagging me along? How selfish!" he said, pouting. And then, he smiled.

I smiled back. And then, it faded when I remembered the scene at the breakwater.
As if reading my thoughts, he said, "Think nothing of it, Teri. Nothing's changed," and held my hand as assurance.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"I love you too, Teri, but I must be honest with you. I can't love you the way you love me. I have my limits, and I love you until the point those limits stretch out. Which is to say… I love you a lot," Raymond replied.

It was only then that I noticed his bags, "Yes, Teri, I'm coming along with you. I've filed a leave just this hour. I don’t care if they approve or not, my mind's made up and I'm going to Baguio with you," he said upon noticing the expression on my face.

The bus started moving out of the terminal, "Why would you want to be with me? Wouldn't you rather go to Makati and look for new prospects?" I asked.

"That goes to number two of my priorities now. I've already lost Christian. I don't want to lose a friend who loves me so much she's not ashamed to cry for me when I'm hurt. You never find a friend who'd share the same dreams with you everyday, much less share your same liking for poetry, tapsilog and special chicken rice," Raymond said and hugged me as the bus made its way out of the terminal.

"Thanks Raym."

"Besides, we could go boywatching in Baguio anytime! You live near the PMA, right?" he asked.
"Yeah, but they don't like gays up there."

"I'll make them!" he said.

I laughed. It was good old Raymond alright. Nothing really has changed, and I thank God for that.

"Oh, and I almost forgot," Raymond said, as the bus was already going through EDSA, "I bought some batteries for you. I figured you'd forget to buy some spare like you did when we went to Bicol last summer. That was the worst!" he said and gave me two packs of AA batteries.

"You know what, Raym? You're the best!" I said and hugged him.

"And that's not all," he said and showed me his wallet. There was a different picture in it. "This was when we went to Malate and we asked the cute bartender to take a picture of us, remember?"

I smiled, "Yes, I remember! It was your way of talking to that cute guy!"

"You are so right!"

And so we spent the whole trip listening to what we both call Andy Garcia's "macho" rendition of Neruda's Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines and I realized as we passed through the Bulacan tollgate that Raymond and I are better like this. And I wouldn't have it any other way.